I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
