your parents love me but you hate me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.