Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

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(415): View more from California

Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

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(509): View more from Washington

my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(714): View more from California

You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

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(417): View more from Missouri

I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.

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(914): View more from New York

Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.

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(415): View more from California

I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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(913): View more from Kansas

I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket

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