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Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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