We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
