you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
