I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
