I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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