I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
