I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
