Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
