I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
