worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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