I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
