apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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