i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
