I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
