Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
