I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
