I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
