Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
