I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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