We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
