Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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