a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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