yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
