Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
