Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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