so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
