We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
