she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
