The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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