When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
