I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
