tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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