9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
high people should be assigned attendants
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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