Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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