Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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