wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
