I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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