We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
