Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
