You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
