Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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