I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They took my balls.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
