it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
