I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
