u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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