Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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