my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
