Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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