i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
