The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
