Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
