Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.