My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"