she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom