What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
