Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Can we have unprotected sex soon?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner

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  (270): Can we have unprotected sex soon? (270): Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner http://tfl.nu/5s3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1740) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.

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  (631): Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person. http://tfl.nu/vzo8
  Replies (15) Good night (3599) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life

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  (469): Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life http://tfl.nu/9mja
  Replies (15) Good night (810) Bad night (4948)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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  (734): What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?" http://tfl.nu/tcpf
  Replies (26) Good night (3355) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day

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  (303): I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day http://tfl.nu/oxlv
  Replies (2) Good night (2415) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.

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  (703): I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin. http://tfl.nu/zjl9
  Replies (6) Good night (3552) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.

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  (512): Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids. http://tfl.nu/hflo
  Replies (20) Good night (4281) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  What can I say, I'm a giver.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.

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  (608): What can I say, I'm a giver. (1-608): Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian. http://tfl.nu/c94l
  Replies (11) Good night (2042) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think

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  (732): because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think http://tfl.nu/340q
  Replies (8) Good night (1740) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro

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  (925): We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro http://tfl.nu/hanl
  Replies (11) Good night (1686) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?

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  (260): A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake? http://tfl.nu/02wx
  Replies (7) Good night (1867) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn

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  (360): He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn http://tfl.nu/981u
  Replies (6) Good night (2669) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!

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  (518): I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING! http://tfl.nu/za5e
  Replies (18) Good night (1217) Bad night (2892)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

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  (310): I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable http://tfl.nu/myt6
  Replies (4) Good night (580) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one

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  (918): She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one http://tfl.nu/uqwv
  Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (216)

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