just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.