he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
