I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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