Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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