Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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