I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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