your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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