I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
