Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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