Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
