Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
