i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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