before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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