Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
