i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
